Or how about his weird-ass issues with food? He wants the girl slim and in shape, yet he won't stop trying to force her to eat! I'm sorry, I just couldn't take any of this seriously. ^My inner goddess will cap yours in the face if you don't shut the fuck up^ Speaking of crap, if I ever, ever ever have to hear/read the words "inner goddess" again, I'm going to construct a pyre out of tampons and maxi pads, light it, and toss unsuspecting women into it. Crap, Holy Crap, Double and Triple Crap, Oh Crap, This Crap, That Crap, any and all Crap. oh my." "He began kissing a trail down my belly, oh my." "He's an insufferable douchenozzle, oh my!" (I'm just thankful that neither lions, tigers, nor bears were brought into this mess at any point.)Ībout halfway through, I wished I'd been keeping track of the word "crap" because Ana is constantly saying/thinking it. I went back and counted, and kept track throughout the rest of the book, and do you have any idea how many fucking times Ana said "Oh my" in this monumentally bad missive? Do you? I'll tell you 79! 79 motherfucking times. Turns out, I found something about 15% through. I can't think why.Īnyway, after reading about the description of Christian's building (hello, first penis metaphor), I had to sit through the awful dialogue between these smarmy idiots and hope beyond hope that something, anything, would distract me enough to see me through to the end. Any time an author tries to sell me on a character's "charm" by waxing hormonal about how "ridiculously good-looking" he is, I snicker inwardly. What were my first impressions of Christian? Well. My first impressions of Ana were bad (deservedly so). Once he gave up, however, I had to travel the rest of the road alone. The only thing that made the first 4% of this book tolerable was the fact that I read it aloud to my younger brother, and his frequent commentary was amusingly distracting. Unwelcome, apparently because her friend is beautiful, even when she has the flu.? What a petty, jealous cunt. My suspicions were confirmed a few pages later when Ana admits that any "sympathy" she feels for her sick friend is "unwelcome". It was cemented that early, my deep, deep dislike for this moronic, simpering asshole. "I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror." I knew from the very first line this wasn't going to be good. Most of the time he's serious, brooding, and threatening. The only time Ana seems to like him as a person is when he's being "lovable", and those times are few and far between. ![]() Apparently, his only redeeming qualities are, in this order his ridiculous good looks, his money, and his giant penis. Fuckin' really? She "flushes" constantly, and on several occasions referred to her hoo-hoo-naughty place as "down there."Ĭhristian is a misogynistic, self-loathing, abusive piece of shit. At one point, she thinks putting her hair in pigtails will keep her safe from Christian's lusty advances. ![]() I'm fairly certain there hasn't been a woman this naive since 'round about 1954. She's a virgin (of course) who's never taken any sexual interest in anyone before. ![]() She's insecure to the point of it being laughable, 'klutzy' (even though she only trips twice in the entire book), and a complete ditz. I did read that.Īna is just a giant mess of a human being. What in the hell just happened? Did I really read that? Oh, my god, I did.
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